Bobbing — Green Apple Falls

22 October 2007

 

Funny that. Few things as wholesome as an apple. You know–a gift for the teacher on the first day of school, the perennial preventative medicine du jour, icon of baked Americana & c.Of course, peel away the glossy veneer and things get a little more complex. Ingest a cup full of cyanogenic apple seeds and rather than keep ol’ sawbones away you’ll earn yourself a quick trip to the emergency ward. Then there’s the tales of razor-blade filled apples telephoned across elementary school playgrounds this time of year, fueled by phobic parents and resentment against Halloween health nuts.

John Chapman, religious zealot and apple entrepreneur, probably did not actually walk around in a burlap sack and a soup pot hat. He probably did try, and fail, to invest in a child bride. He definitely eschewed grafting as an unholy act and thereby guaranteed that the vast majority of apples he grew found their way to the cider mill rather than the school marm’s desk.

Of course, as well as being a good stimulant for conviviality in climates too cold for wine grapes, apple jack has a lower freezing point than water, making it a refreshing winter beverage not requiring thawing or indoor storage. You can’t get more Americanically pragmatic than that.

I like to see the whole grand narrative of Johnny Appleseed’s pragmatic American idealism in these [warning: Ultra-non-worksafe for reasons of intense intoxic subculturalism] glassy-eyed dryads. To wit, “Or, if you’re in the woods you can use a stick”

Of course, there’s a grand tale behind all of this: with Scythians and proto-griffins and archaic apple and Alma-Ata gold cultivars. But I’ve said too much already.

Happy Autumn.

Pluvialis has been enjoying the Autumn harvest as well. Of apples, I mean, of course.

One Response to “Bobbing — Green Apple Falls”


  1. […] Neil added an interesting post on Bobbing â Green Apple FallsHere’s a small excerptIngest a cup full of cyanogenic apple seeds and rather than keep ol’ sawbones away you’ll earn yourself a quick trip to the emergency ward. Then there’s the tales of razor-blade filled apples telephoned across elementary school … […]


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